Dealing with childlessness stigma as an Afghan woman
I lost two pregnancies – one in 2014 and one in 2015.
I felt grief, but I also experienced other emotions which I was not prepared for. Like many women, I always thought that after university and finding some financial stability, I would marry and have children. I guess the fact that I grew up in a progressive and supportive family made me forget that the experiences of Afghan women are unlike those of many women around the world. I forgot, for a second, that as a woman unless you can have children, your education, career, and marriage are considered meaningless. I was not prepared for feeling that in the eyes of my community, my only worth as a woman is to bear children in the end.
I suffered from an ovulation disorder called blighted ovum which leads to miscarriages when a fertilized egg unsuccessfully attaches itself to the uterine wall and the embryo fails to develop. For the first time, I entered the world of Afghan women in a childless marriage.
Even though I had support from my husband and my in-laws, there was always someone reminding me that my marriage had no meaning without children. There was always someone giving me that look of pity. There was always someone bringing up her topic of pregnancy time and again in front of me; perhaps, wanting either to stimulate my motherly instincts or make me envious of her pregnancy. Suddenly all my accomplishments were meaningless because I had “failed” in the one task considered central to women’s identities.
“I didn’t marry you so you would give me children,” my husband told me.
